because love sucks.life's the pits.it is so wonderful that i couldn't ask for more than this.

36. Wish You Were Here: Birds of Flightless Feathers

Posted in A Series of Misfortunate Events by justlikeasugar on April 29, 2017

Initially, it was a last-minute outing I did not planned on joining.

What happened to me in the last week of year 2017 is happening to Encik. While Encik has the part-time dispatch job to pull the family through until he finds a new job, comparative to me whose car license was not put to good use ie earning income via Grab/Uber just because I sucked Geography.

I felt indignant Encik was made to suffer the same; by no fault of his though as he was a victim to political plays at his own workplace. To the person who did this; I hope you sleep well at night.

It’s ok; if you did not get the retributions in Life, you can’t escape the Afterlife.

My mood was dampened further upon no interview callbacks; the enormity of having to tender two months’ weighing heavily on my shoulders.

Happiness can be found,

Even in the darkest of times,

If one only remembers to turn on the light

It is then I realised I am stressing myself for nothing.

Encik has repeatedly assured me he knows what he is doing, and I should trust him. And I should stop beating myself after rejecting a job offer, believing I can do so much better.

If the boon is meant to be mine; it will be mine eventually. No matter how long it takes.

After persuasion from Encik and self prep talk, we joined the outing with the usual suspects.

Weather was cloudy with streaks of drizzle.

The kids went wild at the wet playground; something normal and expected. While the Dads tend to their kids’ whims and fancies, the Mums sat a corner catching up over some nasi lemaks and roti boyans.

I swear; the adults easily lose 5 to 10kgs pushing pulling the strollers and wagons up and down the slope. The only saving grace is that Jurong Bird Park is relatively smaller than the Singapore Zoo so all that pushing pulling is not that bad.

Looking at the pictures taken, I realise there are so much to be grateful for.

The biggest killer of humanity is cancer of the mind.

35. The Most Much Missed Moment

Posted in A Series of Misfortunate Events by justlikeasugar on April 27, 2017

​this moment flows by liquid sapphire

silence like the blueness of the sea

no Earth below; no Sky above.

the rustling of the branches and leaves

whispering that only you are here

only me; my breath, and my heartbeat

depth like this (moment),

Loneliness like this (moment)

and me only me, and now I believe… 

I exist

– Imraan Qureshi (Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara)

… If anyone ever watched ZNMD and the scene where this particular gem of a poem came out (and I have to admit one of Farhan Akhtar’s brilliant masterpieces), or anyone who loves the sea, they will get what Imraan meant.

This is it.

A beach vacation is a must-to-do this year.

If there are no new callbacks, make that two beach vacays.

34. When A Scientific Progress Goes Boink

Posted in A Series of Misfortunate Events by justlikeasugar on March 26, 2017

Susie: I see you’re bringing a glove today. Did you sign up for recess baseball? 

Calvin: Yeah, don’t remind me. You’re lucky that girls don’t have to put with this nonsense. If a girl doesn’t want to play sports, that’s fine! But if a guy doesn’t spend his afternoon chasing some stupid ball, he’s called a wimp! You girls have it easy!

Susie: On the other hand, boys aren’t expected to live their lives twenty pounds underweight.

– Calvin & Hobbes (Scientific Progress Goes “Boink”)

75 kgs.

Yes.

That is what I going to announce to the world from now about my current weight I am scaling on the weighing scale. Or at least to any brave (and foolish) Tom, Dick or Harry asking me about my weight.

Actually, I am few kgs shy from 75kgs but since I have passed the 70kg range, why not?

Since I am slightly obese according to BMI itself, why don’t I take a notch futher and declared myself totally obese?

Yes.

I am taking a piss out of myself.

Why?

Because I have reached an ultimatum. I have decided that I do not really want to bother anymore.

I have always struggled with my body weight for as long as I live. Other people wish they are taller.

Or shorter.

Or prettier.

Or unique.

For once; I wish my weight will align with the Body Mass Index. This used to be doable with constant exercise, long-distance runs and before the gublets came along.

I could not say when, but I could safely vouch this insecurity came about due to, thanks but no thanks to the women surrounding my life.

When you put me in a room of my late mum, my sister, women cousins and relatives, it is very easy to tell who have inherited the Saids’ (paternal) genes and who have inherited the Alis’ (maternal) genes.

Lucky me, I have the “best” of both worlds. When I said “best”, think of genetic big-boned structure and big hips put together and voila!, you get Ina Salleh.

My late mother; for all the saint and lovely woman that she was, was never subtle in reminding and comparing her body size to mine when I hit my twenties.

Kau belum kahwin, badan dah gini. Aku yang dah anak dua badan takda pun macam gini.

I would be lying if that particular statement did not bother me.

Coupled that with having to wake up to a sister who is way better and improvised version of you (ie tall, slim), and cousins who are of similiar built; I was almost tempted to talk myself into believing I was adopted and my real identity was that I was the long-lost daughter of some sumo warrrior from a long lost sumo dynasty.

Or that in future (nowhere to be seen hor), all these people will grow ridiculously fat by their own designs, maybe even fatter than me.

Such were the stuffs of self-deprecating moments were made of.

Big efforts were made to stay in shape.

Swimming, long-distances runs, investing in good hours of sleep and even counting calories.

Ironically; I realised I lose the most through swimming, when I am just swimming the laps at my own flow than pressuring the laps through or running.

Back then; maintaining weight was doable until the gublets come along.

Plan out a good exercise routine.

Where I could easily allocate three days out of a week for swimming before, doing the same now is complete suicide. Work – which never fail to burn me out by 4.30pm – and Time –  a luxury that I am unable to afford by now, mentally and physically drain me.

Regardless of where I am, who I am with; the moment the clock strikes 6.30pm, I became restless as worms placed on a heating frying pan and equally anxious to reach home.

It is not to say I am sitting idle once I am home. I practise specific Yoga poses, go for some occassional runs.

However; both combine have never replace the special spot I reserve for heart: swimming.

It is like suffering a bad break-up from the one person whom you are meant to be with.

Healthy diet.

Our bodies remain one of the greatest mysteries which we will never know or understand its inner workings.

Unless if you are a doctor.

Then again; even a doctor is not a God in spite of them trying to be one.

You can ask me to sell a kidney or any body parts in the black market but when it comes to food, I am not baiting an eyelid.

A food lover; and proud of it, I am not a fan of cobb salad or those extreme tried-and-tested diet regime. Although I can vouch that the meal substitute, Herbalife, does work wonders but the cost of 1 can is realistically unsustainable yearly let alone monthly

Back then; I believe in eating in moderation. There was one incident where my former colleague, Lady Joy, sounded me out for eating in healthy portion and amazed both ourselves with our findings.

Her: Amazed with my ability to last until the next meal.

Me: Amazed with her ability to grab something in between before next meal or eat with filling stomach before next meal.

I was wondering how a human could eat so much until the answer itself slapped me hard on the face after giving birth to Pahdawan. As much as I tried; I totally stopped after Srikandi came.

Mimi-Chan: I am fat.

Me: Nah, look at me. Worse.

Mimi-Chan: But at least you are a mother of two.

It was not until these words that I realised being a mother of two should not be an excuse to give up and just let go.

Since controlling food is out of portion, I opt for the next best thing: substituting for healthier options.

Bye bye to good filling breakfast.

Hello to Quaker Oats.

Bye bye to coffee breaks.

Hello to plain water.

Bye bye to whole full plate of rice laden with dishes for dinner.

Hello to less rice and more healthy snacks or fruits for dinner, accompanied by Ovaltine.

I am still not sorry for not choosing to opt for cobb or corny or cheesy salad route. If you can stomach it, hats off to you.

Invest in good hours of sleep.

Prior to marriage, I did not get to clock in long hours of sleep.

Ironically after the gublets came along; most days, I easily TKO (and that is saying something) while putting the kids to bed. Maybe it is being mesmerised by their angelic faces as I watch them sleep. Besides, it is the only time I can do. Realistically, combined with the morning madness of sending the kids to school prior to work and having to slog mentally for 8 hours at work before going through the evening chaos of reaching home will not only drain me but any other people.

But sleeping early does not mean having uninterrupted sleep. I am sure every parent know what I mean and I am just going to leave it at that.

Result is noticeable.

Old clothes no longer feel like an overload overstuffed dumpling skin.

The tightened sensation on the chest seem to lessen.

I do not suffer from breathlessness, something which happened few weeks ago.

The scale do not go down though.

To say I felt disheartened is an understatement. To say I feel like banging my head repeatedly against the wall is more apt.

It feels like I miss out something.

Until I saw this.

20170416_010424

Pic Credit: Pink (Instagram)

Talk about the much-needed boost when you needed it.

It made me realised people would rather see what is in front of them instead of going extra step by putting themselves in that other person’s running shoes or bothering to see the efforts.

Besides; the reason I am doing it is not to please anyone except myself. Especially if it means living long enough to see the Gublets getting married or even seeing my grandkids.

So; this is it.

75 kgs will be my weight from now.

Maybe I will add 10 kgs yearly.

Next year, I will tell everyone my weight is 85kg.

33. When a 64GB SD Card Goes Boink..

Posted in A Series of Misfortunate Events by justlikeasugar on March 2, 2017

System down.

Two words.

Yet; the ripples of chaos these two words brought about hardly went unnoticed.

When the company server is down.

When the wi-fi server is down.

When the network server is down.

Same difference.

When it comes to gadgets and electronical appliances; I often feel a sense of forebodance whenever self-reflection struck. By no sheer coincidences; these realisations often happened whenever… the system is down.

Everything is going electronically digitalised these days to keep up with the ever changing world. Phones are upgraded to smartphones to keep up with the constantly changing technology in order cater to the convenience of humane population.

Like everything else though; with pros; there are cons attached to it too.

The obvious one is how it has affected the vital core of a human being: knowledge storage in the human brain.

Gone are the good old days where you have to pore over books in the library or your thick dictionary or thesaurus to search for meanings of words, idioms or even adjectives.

With Google engine hits matching our search for information too easily; knowledge proved to be too easily obtainable that we took it for granted.

I am not sure about you but personally; having information available easily on my fingertips piles on my nerves. Comparatively to poring over books and articles to learn gather information and having to search online; I found myself able to recollect what I have gathered manually painstakingly as compared to something I read online.

Maybe it is just me.

I have come to realise the more I read or stored something online; the more I frustrated myself trying to recall it.

Talking about reading; I am not surprised if reading a newspaper or the paperback novel of Dan Brown’s latest offerings might just be a thing of a past. With the emergence of Kindle in the midst of the environmental race to save the trees; publishers have started to jump on the electronical bandwagon to keep up with the consumer demands.

Maybe it is just me but reading a book in its paperback glory is more appealing than reading it in a softcopy form in a Kindle. There is something letting your imagination loose and unfold as your finger turned to the next page; while the musty familiar smell of the paper assault your senses as you delve further in the book.

While someplace nearer to our homes which exemplifies the constant need to keep up with the digital age is our workplace.

Typewriters were mercilessly replaced by computers before being rendered totally obsolete by desktops and laptops. Faxes are kept minimal and neccessary to make way for scanned copies. In fact; some companies have adopted the method of scanning documents and saving them in a centralised database instead of filing the same documents in the normal way on some A4 files

Of course; in order to regulate all these, we are one network server away before stepping into the virtual workplace. 

In our home; that network server is known as the wi-fi. Often more than not; the wi-fi occupies the kids’ time, giving me allowance to do household routine in peace. Before any of you started lecturing me on the dangers of kids being exposed to electronic gadgets; I admit I was not proud of it.

Funnily; it had been agreed that electronic gadgets were never considered in our parenting method. Everything was ok until out of the blue; the Pahdawan grabbed my old mobile phone and bossily grunted to me to open some nursery rhymes for him. Attempts to retrieve the phone was futile and when the Srikandi came along; it was a Gublet-see, Gublet-do deal.

By the time we reached to this point of the entry; you readers must be wondering why I was waxing lyrical about the digital age and electronical gadgets.

This was because I was super pissed.

Last night as it was; I was not feeling well and did not report to work.

After the consultation with the doctor; I KO-ed after the medication with the mobile phone. Imagine to my rude shock to wake up to this message prompt on my Asus which I reached out to check for missed calls/messages.

Unable to detect your SD Card. This phone does not support your SD Card Format.

Yes, I was that pissed.

This marked the second time an SD card lucked on me. And with storage of 64Gb even.

It was not so much of the amount I spent on that card; if anything I mourned for the loss of datas I had painstaking stored inside. the documents, pictures I had painstakingly amassed during the period.

Gone.

Just like that.

It irked me when it concerned the pictures I took over the years; especially of the gublets starting from the time they were borne. And the quotes or memes I saved after scrolling down my FB newsfeed knowing I would never come across them again even if my whole life depended on it. And the Music folder which had stored so many mp3 files I had painstakingly compiled over the years.

The keyword here is “painstakingly”.

It was like the SD Card decided to grow a pair and decided to be a pain by committing hara-kiri just to prove a point to my face.

Eh… You never back up in Google Drive, meh?

Good question.

I certainly did not.

It was already bad we are enslaved to Technology; I am certainly not going to back up my mementos on some drive whom hackers have been trying to gain access for years. And it is only a matter of Time before they succeed ultimately.

Importantly; a bloody SD card was not supposed to luck on me.

Twice.

Whatever happened to the quote “Once bitten, twice shy?”

If the maker of Samsung SD card is any acquaintance of me; I have only this two choice words to tell him/her:

Sila terjun.

Loosely translated as “Go jump.”

Layman term is simply defined as “Go and die.”

I hope you sleep peacefully knowing you have created mayhem in one of your product user’s life.

32. Reasonance

Posted in A Series of Misfortunate Events by justlikeasugar on February 14, 2017

Regrettably; realisation often comes albeit too late.

31. First Wedding of 2017

Posted in A Series of Misfortunate Events by justlikeasugar on February 11, 2017

Weddings.

Memories I have had of them were fragmented. Since I was five; I recalled being dragged here and there to such events – be it distant or a close relative and not neccessarily a wedding event – by Abah and Mama.

Until I hit my teens and teen rebellion found a voice to say No;  being dragged to rewangs were not neccessarily against my will.

Back then; rewang epitomise united togetherness in a family. Asides from evoking the long-lost kampung spirit amidst the ever-rising HDB concrete jungle,  there was definitely something about rewang that I found myself looking forward to.

Before neighbourhood MPHs were standardised; rewang under a HDB block was a must three days-two nights under the HDB block event. Asides from the opportunity of meeting that relative who stayed hujung tanjung Singapore/overseas; these were the only times pre-adolescents like me could stay up way past our bedtimes with the pretense of helping the elders to prep the dishes for the main event.

But no matter what; everyone enjoyed the process. Because we were in it together.

Those were the days.

Truth to be told; things were so simple back then.

It was a time where we did not have much but our hearts were warm and sincere.

Talking about warmth; Fizzy Lizzy got hitched, making her the second from my maternal side to take the plunge.

For someone whom I grew up together with; I felt I was not there enough for her especially when it came to wedding preparations. 

Even dropping a week prior to her big day to help out with outstanding misc-en stuffs did not redeem what I should have done for her as the eldest cousin 😦

Initial plan to stay throughout the solemnisation was thwarted by Abah’s ICU admission and the need to rush to NTFH to catch hold of the operating surgeon’s clarified updates before the visiting hours ended.

It was supposed to be a happy week with Srikandi entering her “Terrible Twos” phase and Fizzy’s wedding event.

Truly; Allah swt knows everything.

Looking at these few pictures; with the exception of the kids, who would have thought I was masking anxiety, worries and listless from lack of sleep for the past two days.

30. Of Beers & Floats

Posted in A Series of Misfortunate Events by justlikeasugar on February 4, 2017

When you are all hyped up for a girls’ Fridate but everyone ended up cancelling on you; you took it in your stride and just go where your legs bring you.

As always, I was not disappointed.

After almost five years, I stepped again into Vintage. I was thrilled to bump into one very familiar face who still remember me in spite of the long absence.

Until the texture of the pasta touched the tip of my tongue, I realised how much I had miss this dish.

Of course; my major love will always be for beef but I will save the indulgence for the Aglio Olio Sliced Beef for my next visit.

Yes.

There shall be a next visit.

Until then; I will patiently countdown until the next visit happens and calm myself with this picture.

29. When weekend stretches…

Posted in A Series of Misfortunate Events by justlikeasugar on February 4, 2017

How often we took things for granted.

In my early twenties; long weekends meant short getaways to neighbouring countries. Either that or it was catching up with friends over a cuppa or movies with the siblings.

It was not until I turned 27 years old; long weekends came to present as a form of luxury to me.

That value itself made its worth felt more than usual these days. 

Thanks but no thanks to parenthood.

To quote my inner Minah expression:

Holiday ke tak, semua jalan terusss…

Don’t get me wrong.

I never feel or see my kids as “accidental” or “unplanned”. While I do not abhorr parenthood, there is nothing for me to go singing praises about.

Admittedly; parenting is hard. Unlike level examinations where you can always retake if you do not score well; you can’t turn back Time, especially if you fail as a parent.

Most time, it is physically and mentally exhausting.

We had our bad moments.

So bad that at times; I felt like dropping everything to stuff all my things into a bagpack before buying one-way open ticket.

We had our good moments too.

So good that it cancel out those bad moments and makes everything worthwhile.

I know I can do it.

For the next thirteen years more when the last gublet turns 18 years old.

Ha!

As it was; when Chinese New Year loomed, I was struck by the same mixed feelings – by no coincidence whenever public holidays beckons.

Joyous at the thought of not having to wake up to rush hour of sending the gublets to their respective centres before rushing to work. Ecstatic at the following fact that this means I can sleep in a little longer. Whatever positive feelings thst ensued after were immediately dashed when the next question pops up: 

How am I going to spend the day with one active preschooler and an equally active and competitively toddler?

Worse; with CNYs being one of the country’s major public holidays, the Red Dot is as good as a deserted country with almost all the shops closed for the holiday.

This year though; all hope was not lost.

Yes.

In spite of the crazy weather; the stubborn headache that refused to go away and spending time at the same old place with the same people created a well-spent weekend.

27. Standstill

Posted in A Series of Misfortunate Events by justlikeasugar on January 7, 2017

It was not a pleasant trip home from BBDC.

Reached there an hour later than I should – usually happens when attempts to deviate from usual travelling route by  trying new shortcut but yet again, proven otherwise – just to close my Class 2B account; effectively making one of my 2016’s resolutions came to an abrupt standstill.

Why Class 2B? When you already have Class 3A?

Not enough one, meh

If I started charging $50 for anyone who asked me the above question whenever they got to know, my bank loan would have been cleared from the accumulated amount.

No kidding.

I have always wanted to own a riding license.

Before the TP got rigid with her traffic rules; I remembered being a pillion of Abah’s, being made to sit front near to the tank more for safety purpose before I graduated to sitting behind him.

The moment he passed his Class 2B, I was Encik’s first pillion rider.

But the moment I laid eyes on LG’s lime-green and cream Vespa which she brought to work; a riding license was inevitable.

Imagine cruising down on the expressway cruising down on a road on a lime-green Vespa with a pink helmet, a white scarf wrapped loosely wrapped around the neck with the winds blowing gently caressing your hair.

Due to a promise made out of recklessness and lack of foresight – I know they meant the same thing, just emphasising on the gravity of it all – I ended up compromising to take a car license first.

Always the one to find loopholes to make something out of nothing, I passed barely my Class 3A.

Car license what.

Class 3A is still car license, mah. Never say I have to take manual, what.

Not sure it has something to do with lack of passion. Or the fact that manual driving is taxing.

Looking back; I was amazed at the extra lengths I took to attend the classes, theoretically and practically.

Upon acquiring the car license; things got hectic with Mama and Abah in and out of hospital, with Abah’s condition worsening – requiring pacemaker and me shuffling through and fro. Then there was the wedding preparations which both emotionally and physically exhausted me for the whole year 2011.

When the Pahdawan and Srikandi came about; class 2B became nothing but a mere thought.

If you think juggling between a growing toddler with work is tough, just wait until you found yourself juggling between a headstrong, hyperactive preschooler with an equally headstrong, hyperactive – and unfortunately competitive – toddler with work.

Yes.

I will like to think myself as a juggling wonder though it is a shame that particular setskill is not applicable to workplace or look credible enough on resumes.

It was not until the first two months of last year, epiphany struck. With her usual tendency of striking at unusual inconvenient places and time – I was furiously scrubbing the main toilet after getting off the phone from yet another unsuccessful phone interview – I decided to put my mere thought into action and enrolled for the bike license with my severance pay.

That decision was further triggered with the news that BBDC would be shifting to Punggol soon and hey if not now, it is never, right.

Unfortunately; I got hired right before I was about to start my first practical lesson training.

This meant everything was put on hold.

Due to the two months’ lapse prior to work confirmation, my lack of foresight worsened the matter.

In the following six months’, I had only managed to book three practical lessons when I should have followed up weekly dilligently.

For these three lessons, all were Lesson 1.1.

Worse?

I never progressed to 1.2.

The bike was too high, too big. I was unable to stand the bike. Too focused on coordination of my brake and clutch handle always invite migraine after I finished the lesson. The biggest grudge is why is there no license for manual 2B?

Why do I have to learn using a Honda CBR125 when a Vespa is my ultimate goal? Every time I got on the Honda monster, I almost got leg cramps having to stretch and pull the heavy machine wherever I go.

😦

The last straw?

When I fall twice in the circuit itself in my last practical lesson. When I said last, I meant my last 1.1 practical lesson.

It was so bad, the riding instructor had a prep talk.

Worst?

A young man presumably 19 years old in my last lesson was the fragile one in our group, he was so fragile but he managed to progress to Lesson 1.2.

Yes, inwardly I felt like banging my head against the wall when the riding instructor updated us on our progress. Or rather my non-progress.

As I was sitting at BBDC earlier; waiting for my number to be called, JT’s prophetic words kept ringing in my head.

Wah lau wei… 

Why got so many lapses in between?

Like that, hor, you like one year progressed one lesson only leh. Confirmed ah, you will only get your bike license after 5 years only leh.

Cisss… Chicken Mac Nuggets betul si Ah Beng ni.

Maybe, it will take five years (hopefully not!).

But I will surely own a Class 2B license.

The main reason for closing the account is the monthly auto-deduction of membership fees if license is not obtained after a year of registration.

And another unpleasant surprise popped up yet again, making the walk in the sunshine abit grim. But bad things will not stay forever, that is what I am sure of.

Closing the account does not mean I am shelving that mere thought totally.

Just like brake being applied to a car making the object came to a standstill when stopping at the red light, this standstill is not a permanent immobility. Just as the car will move when the green man comes on, I will definitely re-take and will follow up through and to its completion, with fully recharged steam.

Re-reading the last paragraph; it is either my lor-sohness is getting worse or I have been reading too much Robert Langdon’s trilogies that it rubbed off me.

DOA, die die must finish.

Because I found the perfect ultimate motivation to help me achieve my goal.

……

Imagine cruising down on the expressway on a lime-green Vespa with a pink helmet, a white scarf wrapped loosely wrapped around the neck with the winds blowing gently caressing your hair.

Riding side by side with the Encik and his Stella.

Twenty years from now, joined by the #gublets.

(No. I am okay if Srikandi wants to get a riding licence.)

Yup.

Except that when the Time comes; imagination has turned to reality as I finally acquire my Class 2B license.

In shaa Allah.

26. The Mother of All Resolutions

Posted in A Series of Misfortunate Events by justlikeasugar on January 2, 2017

As the saying goes;

No use changing habits of a lifetime, especially bad ones.

Year 2016 is nothing but full of surprises; while some pleasant, others remained to be seen. If my life were to be summed up as an autobiographical; page turners were aplenty for year 2016.

Talk about page turners; I finally plucked up enough courage to read my past entries. As expected; most entries were cringe-inducing, I wondered if I swallowed a truckful of cheese while penning them.

So cheesy that at some entries made me skipped to the next; dreading of what I have subjected some of the readers to.

Of course; among the entries that did not go unnoticed were the ones about resolutions.

The resolutions I made for myself when I was 25 years old were so impressive – and too ambitious that I really outdone myself.

Want to lose 8kg la. (Ed: Ya.. Lose 2kgs in a long distance run but gain 3kgs after an unexplained increase in appetite that followed.. :s )

Want to save money to pursue Degree la. (Ed: The monies ended up going to my wedding. Kuang kuang kuang)

Want to pursue bellydancing and Aikido la. (Ed: Well, I did pursue Belly-dancing until I realised I did not have the time for it. Aikido-wise; I did not have the discipline for it.)

Want to take language courses up to gossip in other languages la. (Ed: Haiz. Boyanese – my mother tongue language I do not even master its basics – yet I wanted to speak other languages. Dream on, Ina.)

I totally blame it on phasing into the age of cusping into quarter of a century years of old; where 25 is the peak of everything and anything seemed ridiculously possible.

At that age; when I was still single and have extra expenses to myself, I was all over the place trying to fill up all my free time and inwardly to conceal my small disappointment when Encik decided to pursue his Poly Diploma thus canning future plans of marriage.

Maybe; that was why resolutions for Year 2009 were spent catching up on what I could not fulfill in 2008 when I turned 26 years old. I remembered prior to the New Year; the eve was a sombre one as Encik would not be in Singapore most of the time in order to complete his second year course.

Year 2009 was one of those years which were not so good to me. Abah’s ailing condition, Mama’s late discovery of her cancer, Encik being away most of the time were among the lowest lows of the lows.

However; Abah’s condition stabilised and Mama sailed through her surgery and completed her chemotheraphy without a glitch. Encik’s friends helped to fill his void with coffee dates, breakfasts and outings.

Ironically; in spite of being contented, that did not stop me from resolve to lose weight or trying to save money or trying to take up language course. Or trying to look cool by resolving to learn Aikido.

Surprisingly for year 2010; while most resolutions were old ones, there was a new resolution of wanting to stay at home. While I had outspokenly reasoned it was due to economical purposes – hello, go out go jalan jalan no need to use money issit, secretly, I felt uneasy ever since my parents – especially Mama, were on off sick.

With her passing in the following year along with my wedding, I realised something.

Being in your twenties is the mother of era where even the simplest of things, no matter how hard you tried not to but you still ended up screwing up.

Big time.

It was so bad that you had to spend your thirties trying to clear the mess up. And your forties were spent clearing up what you could not in your thirties.

But I could not say all is loss, though.

I got married.

I became a mother to a lovely (and hyperactive)boy.

With Motherhood; I came to terms that certain wishes and resolutions  have to take a backseat.

Like normal Fridates with the usual suspects.

Or travelling.

However; Life do present their own moments of surprises.

Like when I was selected to attend for a specialist crane training in Dubai in 2014.

The mother of surprises for that year was the discovery of my second pregnancy. Erm; the father of surprises had got to be that I was pregnant with Srikandi.

With Encik, there is love.

With Pahdawan; there is unconditional love.

With Srikandi; unconditional love have never been so diverse.

While year 2015 was mostly a letdown, mostly because I got the axe three days prior to the beckoning New Year of 2016.

Two months into 2016; things were slowly looking up when I re-entered the workforce.

Granted; things might not be as good as my previous company but as I emphasised before, my previous company was perfect but look where it got me.

I know the importance of setting resolutions but I also realise the importance of setting realistic ones so that one can stick and follow through and through with it.

My Permanent Resolution

Wishing you all a great start to year 2017, xoxo.